Leaving Unnoticed

This Sunday led me back to my old stomping ground, my church.  I've not been up there for awhile so it was nice to see some old, familiar faces.  I went because I asked another individual who had likewise been absent for several months, to attend with me.  When there, it came up that there was a person from the Sunday education class I attended who had been absent for many Sundays.  This person was upset because although she had been a weekly attendee of church and Sunday school, no one seemed to notice when she stopped showing up.   No one called.  No one sent a card.  No one appeared interested.  One person who had been absent took another member who had been absent and learned of a third who had been absent.  We had all experienced the same treatment: our absence had been ignored.   

Now my case is different and I hesitate to include my experience in this group, so I will exclude it.  But in one visit to church,  two long-term, always-attending individuals felt forgotten by their church family.  If you think I am singling this specific church out for castigation, I am not.  This incident is a common theme in many churches.  

Paul says that we all have different gifts and "must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by every ligament with which it is equipped, as each part is working properly, promotes the body's growth in building itself up in love" (Eph. 4:15-16).  In other words, we are all needed in order to grow and function as Christians.  If one of us is hurt or goes missing, I believe Paul is saying it affects all of us, for we are all needed for the full body of Christ to work and function as intended.  If one goes missing,   it affects all of us, even if for some reason it goes unnoticed.  Is this a good analogy for the Church or was did it just have meaning for those in the  First Century?  

Lets see...if, say, my left foot suddenly fell off, I would probably notice that it was missing when I took a step and fell flat on my face.  If my heart beat suddenly terminated I would definitely notice it, if only for a brief second.  If an eye went on vacation or my liver went to the beach just to get away for the weekend, I believe there would be some definite indications that things were amiss.  Yet many church members barely notice if long time members, let alone new members,  suddenly disappear.  Because we are unobservant?  Perhaps.  Perhaps our congregations are such well oiled machines that there is always some to volunteer and take the place of the missing worshipper so deftly that we never notice his or her absence?  You can fill in your own perceptions or experiences with that issue, but it boils down to the fact that often, we simply don't notice. I believe this issue is larger than it seems because we are tasked with taking care of each other and assuming one another's burdens.  Paul says that each of us should not just tend to our own interests, but to the interests of others (Phil. 2:4).  If we don't even notice when someone is missing, we are certainly not living out our mandate to care for one another, not to mention the fact that being forgotten is extremely hurtful, perhaps even devastating, to the one who feels forgotten. But there may be another issue in play here. 

Perhaps we do notice, but simply don't care.  Or perhaps we notice but it takes too much effort to make that phone call or send that card.  Perhaps we notice, but are so consumed with our own lives that we justify inaction.  Maybe we tell ourselves we are too busy for that 5 minute phone call or too poor to purchase that $4.00 card and place the stamp on it that sends it on its way.  Maybe we believe the time it takes to write a short note is simply too time consuming.  Perhaps we don't know the person very well.  Maybe we don't know what to say.

That begs the question, how does that affect the body of Christ?  To be honest, a larger church may not have any effects from paying little attention to someone who stops attending.  The empty space on the pew is graced with another butt.  The Sunday school class goes along as it normally does.  In many cases, the absence of one church member really has little to no effect on that individual church.  On the surface, all continues as it normally does. No harm, no foul.  Or so we think.  

But ignored absence can create great damage.  This damage occurs on many levels and produces ripple effects, but often lies below the surface, unseen.  

The most significant damage occurs in the mind of the person whose has been absent.  They tell themselves that no one cares, that they are not and never have been important in the life of the church.  They question whether their church friends really are their friends.  The relationship they thought they had with the pastor comes under scrutiny.  They wonder if Jesus' teachings really are central to the life of the church or if it is all a facade, and if all Christians really are hypocrites. All the while the brain churns, the hurt deepens and for some, the hurt becomes anger.  Some end up leaving the church and seeking another place to worship.  With time, their hurt and anger is vented because they stop "protecting" the church they loved.  They talk and discuss, accuse and cast aspersions.  The church that did not respond to their absence may acquire a reputation for not taking care of the flock, at least in some circles.  The church will become known for its hypocritical faith, and this, in turn, plays right into those who have already been damaged by the church, or to those who observe that many Christians don't walk the talk.  This deep of a hurt tends to expand into every-widening circles.

What we have to understand is that in the long run, not caring for our own damages not just individuals, not just the church, but the entire body of Christ.  Paul was extraordinarily clear that we must take care of our own, especially other Christians.  As Christians, we must learn to see one another as family, and not just on Sunday mornings.  Our blood and kin don't cease being our family at any time.  Why do our Christian brothers and sisters?  With our second family, our church, we simply must learn to deal with one another at all times in love.  "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" comes to mind. 

We often consider that teaching, to treat others as we want to be treated, only in its negative form, meaning if we wouldn't want something done to us we shouldn't do it to someone else.  But they mean so much more.  These words, for example, do not simply mean to avoid beating each other up or treating one another poorly.  These words are so much more significant and meaningful when considered in their positive aspect - caring for one another in all ways, loving one another, and sharing each others burdens. If we wish something would be done for us then we are to do it for someone else.

As Christians, many of us tell ourselves that we live out this commandment of Jesus because we don't pick on others, we don't gossip or argue, or we back down from a fight.  But if we look at this commandment from the other direction can we still make that claim?  Do we truly do to one another as we would like?  And since we are talking about relationships in our church family it begs another question...how would we like to be treated by our church family?

The list could be long but lets name a few...a kind word when we are struggling; a card so we know someone is thinking of us and lifting us in prayer; acknowledgment of our grief and suffering, even if it is longer that two or three weeks in length; affirmation that we are important as individuals; thanks for volunteering our time and talents; a call or visit when we are sick; visits if we are shut in our homes for any length of time; someone to notice and act when we are absent; help if we are injured, in the hospital, or even deployed; encouragement when we are down; camaraderie and friendship; a listening ear; perhaps even some financial help when out of work.  We could go on and on but these examples simply indicate that there are so  many things we could do for one another that the list could be almost infinite. And we only have to start with just one.

This all boils down to our desire to be needed and noticed, our desire to be a part of something bigger than us, and to be recognized as an important part of the larger whole.  Being ignored is hurtful.  It should not be in our nature as Christians to be hurtful, but to be attentive.  Attentiveness may require observational skills that some of us do not have, which brings us back to that discussion of the body, and all parts being needed.  We all need each other in order to function.  And functioning well means to care and love one another as Christ loves us. It should be our purpose and practice to let all that we do be done in love (1 Cor. 16:14).

Paul does not release us from the need to care for one another.  Second Corinthians 1:3-4 states, "  Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all consolation, who consoles us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to console those who are in any affliction with the consolation with which we ourselves are consoled by God."  If Paul doesn't release us, why do we release ourselves?  Consider some of the excuses I've already mentioned above and then get over them.  Do something.  Reach out.  Act.  You have no idea how profound your actions can be in the life of someone who feels forgotten.  It will change his or her life.  It might even change your own.  

Jesus tells a story of a shepherd who has 99 sheep, but one is lost.  The shepherd leaves the sheep to seek out and find the one sheep who has wandered astray.  This is not just a story about God's relationship with us, but a description of how we are to act with one another as well.  It is not meant to be words on a page, but a way of life for each of us.